Imaginary Friend 2.0

You are the character from the book that I felt one with,

To live a thousand different lives in one birth

You are the quotes from great men, celebrities and obscure strangers,

Nevertheless I felt it was one-on-one discussions with me

You are the words that I read in between the lines in that poem,

But could not forget for a day and half

You are the talk shows that I listen to,

For inspiration has to be experienced and not a cacophony

You are the random pics I see on those apps,

And it fills the empty spaces between non-existent conversations

You are the stories I scrolled down at the swipe of a finger,

Only to let it linger at the back of my head for hours

Image result for imaginary friend art

 

You are that imaginary friend from my childhood that never left me,

Or on second thoughts, the one that I did not let go

For you don’t have to be alone to feel lonely

 

 

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Shell on the Shore

Friendship and people was never my thing

Not that I did not like to have either in my life

I just did not understand how to make friends

“Awkward” will be an understatement to describe me

 

Then, I met someone who had so many friends

“Effortless” is how I describe him

He said, you don’t make friends

You be a friend- be mine first

My first friend he became, but I was not his last

I stood at its mouth of his expanding friend circle, waiting to be absorbed in

I was rejected, like a shell that is returned to the shore by a wave

The same wave that swept it in at the first place

 

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I let go of it all- Such a pain to try

Then, friends happened on its own or so I thought

I bragged that I also have friends and He said ‘I told you so’

For once I was there for someone, without seeking returns

 

But, soon I felt I was just a cog in the wheel

People text me and I know they need help

One day I do not reach out and no one misses me

Random texts, forwards and mindless conversations- but no one missed me?

 

I withdrew further into my shell, told him- only you can do it

Wept my weekend away- talked to myself

Reassured that, I am there for myself

It may not be a lonely end, hopefully

 

I walk into the room- relieved to see my cactus plant

I have you at least I tell it

A second glance and I see it is dying too

What was wrong? Too much water or too less sun

I will never know and does that matter,

Now that I have really lost the hope forever

I too have a “friendship” story!

As long as I can trace back, I was chasing fairy tale stories of friendships that I read in books and trying to live it in a reality. Sad enough, Enid Blyton stories and the likes of which are works of fiction and it took a lot more than my teenage years to realize that. At the end of my school days, bidding good bye and moving on was not a problem for me, as I was already hooked into the prospect of making new friends at college.  Alas, at the end of college days, I was richer by friendship of one good soul and poorer by several futile attempts at making and maintaining friendships.

There I was standing envious of the all the people who have great friendships, gangs and what not, wondering who decided to celebrate friendship day to make the matters worse for poor souls like me, and then the twist in story happens. It’s not a talking frog or divine intervention, but I got the key to successful friendships from a veteran in the field with quite a few solid friends in his kitty. Once I knew about the key, the first thought that crossed my mind is “this is no rocket science, it is way too easy”. So the combination to the key is like this: Stop trying to make friends, be natural and do not fear friendships. With this mantra running in my head, I was all set, ready to conquer the world.

For the next few days, I did not worry sick over making friends, stopped trying and waited for the miracle to happen. Just as the hope was about to fade, a bulb blinked somewhere and somebody stepped into my life. I thought that this really could be the one great friend I have been waiting for ages and as usual went overboard in my attempt to appease the person, meanwhile forgetting the most important aspect of the key to friendship- Being natural. Before I knew, I was back to square one having blown the friendship and as I hit the rock bottom all over again, I had already made up my mind to stop the wild goose chase of having a friend for life.

I envisioned the next phase of my life as the independent cold woman types and even christened it as “Being on my own”, but again there is a twist in the story. This time, I did not give any heed to it, may be as I was not looking out for it. So I was there alone in a new city, trying to start from the scratch and two girls happen in my life. I say “happen”, because I did not know at the time, the impact these two would have in my life. I did not chase them, but they came into my life. I did not push them, but they poured their affection into my life. I did not cling to them, but they filled my life with their presence and sucked the void out of it. Before we know, we were a gang, but there was no fancy name. We did not tie friendship bands, but a unique bond developed between us.

I did not know it was friendship then, because I had not experienced it before. I realized this beautiful feeling of being there for each other, only when one of us had to leave for home town. For first time in life, saying goodbye became difficult, I got a lump in my throat, tears filled my eyes and it dawned on me, that I too have friends and good ones too, who may or may not be there with me forever. But, I am not worried as the days we were together were great and have given me the confidence that the bonds that are bound to last will last, no matter what happens.

Now that I have my own friendship story, I will give you my key to great friendship- we do not make friends, they just happen and when it does live the moment by forgetting about what future have in store for you or reliving the past as a means to sustain the present. I learned it the hard way, but the experience was worth the long wait and now that I know the value of it, I cherish it big time. Thank you, my friends for making this phase of life happening and I have decided to rename it as “Discovering me”, because you guys accentuated my self-worth 🙂 and as theysay it is better late than never.