These days I work from home and when I am chatting with someone over office network my mom can always guess what I am talking without even looking at screen. So, I was intrigued and asked her how do you do that, to which she replies: “Oh, it’s all those expressions on your face: the pouting, screwed up eyebrows and smiling”. And, I was like “hmm”.
Then, the other day I called my husband hoping to catch him for a few minutes alone and I heard some voice in background. So, I was silent and he laughed (cute one ;)) and said ” You are jealous, are you not?”. So I said “er, I am not”. And, he laughed a little more (still cute) and said ” I know you”.
So, while I pushed these to back of my mind and did not give it much thought, there was something I could not ignore. I got feedback from couple of people who read my previous blogs on how sad I sounded. There was even a discussion between two of my good friends who felt am going through this really sad period after reading my latest blogs, and my friend told to the other: “oh, it’s just her mood swings, read some of her old posts, she’s a dreamy girl in those”.
Now all this got me thinking: Is it not great that I can feel all these emotions, whether it is love, sorrow, despair, jealousy, insecurity and what not. Further more, if I go from one to another in a short time span, why call it a mood swing?? Here is where I beg to differ from people who tend to fixate on a particular emotion I am going through at a certain point and think that is what I am. Truth is I am a sum of all the emotions I go through and though it may seem like it is a soup, it really is not – it helps me deal with feelings on a day-to-day, sometimes even an hour to hour basis. And, I truly believe that it is not emotional instability or volatility, but rather what completes me as a person.
I have been thinking a lot about why are we not encouraged to feel every bit of what we are going through and express it?? Why is there such a pride associated with maintaining a poker face?? Why look down upon people who wear their heart on sleeve?? That took me back to two things. First was an old book I read back in school, which talked about felt emotions and displayed emotions. As a society, I really don’t get why we are obsessed with displaying emotions to fit into a certain mold. Secondly, I thought about this weird conversation I had with a friend of mine. So, we were discussing how one-dimensional it is to often introduce ourselves as “I am NAME”. I mean it is so shallow. What if we lived in a world where I could walk up to you and say “Hello, I am lonely” and you could say “I am friendly”. Would it not solve many issues if we just express our true self instead of projecting for the sake of it?
One thing I am starting to see more and more these days is a growing level of intolerance among people. I feel it is because we keep piling emotions in our mind, where it is like a volcano slowly burning under a heap of ash and one day it all comes out like hot lava scalding everyone around. Instead if we process stuff then and there, and move on, is it not easier and you can also live life to fullest.
Now this is what I feel. I really don’t know if expressing every emotion is going to help, it is just a thought.
Er, I am confused!
