Well, it is this feeling of what the heck am I doing right now, right here!
It is when you (supposedly) have everything in your life, mostly everything seems to be going your way, but you hardly feel passionate about anything. I particularly feel this when I am at crossroads with someone over something and do not even put the effort to talk it through-but instead feel the urge to walk away. I find it easy to go into a shell and stay in the comfort zone of not confronting or defending something that I believe in. I feel this when someone is looking at things only from their angle, but I feel it is too tiring to explain my point of view and I shrug my shoulders, say something non-committal and go on. It deeply hurts me, my heart bleeds, but I just let it be.
It is when voices thump in my head, but I do not tell anything, because I know I won’t be heard or even may be blamed.
It is when I have an idea and I do not share it, because I know it will be shot down.
It is when I scroll down these social media rants and happen to see the status update column, and ignore it as I really don’t want to put up what I think.
It is when I want to shake someone’s shoulders and say, look at me, I am right here! But, I turn away and hope that I will be sought after.
It is when someone looks at me like I am a mistake, like I am something that should have been undone.
But it is also as much about you as much it is about me.
It is also when I see people stuck with wrong people, wrong job, and wrong places and doing nothing about it.
It is also when I see the look of resignation in people’s eyes, when they are past struggling, fighting and cribbing, and give up.
It is also when I see people throw in their towel too early in the game.
It is also when I see people fall on one’s own sword.
We are all looking at blank spaces.
And, I do not know how to fill it with things that matter. I do not know how to let go of the emotional burden that I carry on my shoulders.
I can only hope I and you have the courage to.