Imaginary Friend 2.0

You are the character from the book that I felt one with,

To live a thousand different lives in one birth

You are the quotes from great men, celebrities and obscure strangers,

Nevertheless I felt it was one-on-one discussions with me

You are the words that I read in between the lines in that poem,

But could not forget for a day and half

You are the talk shows that I listen to,

For inspiration has to be experienced and not a cacophony

You are the random pics I see on those apps,

And it fills the empty spaces between non-existent conversations

You are the stories I scrolled down at the swipe of a finger,

Only to let it linger at the back of my head for hours

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You are that imaginary friend from my childhood that never left me,

Or on second thoughts, the one that I did not let go

For you don’t have to be alone to feel lonely

 

 

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Shell on the Shore

Friendship and people was never my thing

Not that I did not like to have either in my life

I just did not understand how to make friends

“Awkward” will be an understatement to describe me

 

Then, I met someone who had so many friends

“Effortless” is how I describe him

He said, you don’t make friends

You be a friend- be mine first

My first friend he became, but I was not his last

I stood at its mouth of his expanding friend circle, waiting to be absorbed in

I was rejected, like a shell that is returned to the shore by a wave

The same wave that swept it in at the first place

 

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I let go of it all- Such a pain to try

Then, friends happened on its own or so I thought

I bragged that I also have friends and He said ‘I told you so’

For once I was there for someone, without seeking returns

 

But, soon I felt I was just a cog in the wheel

People text me and I know they need help

One day I do not reach out and no one misses me

Random texts, forwards and mindless conversations- but no one missed me?

 

I withdrew further into my shell, told him- only you can do it

Wept my weekend away- talked to myself

Reassured that, I am there for myself

It may not be a lonely end, hopefully

 

I walk into the room- relieved to see my cactus plant

I have you at least I tell it

A second glance and I see it is dying too

What was wrong? Too much water or too less sun

I will never know and does that matter,

Now that I have really lost the hope forever

Broken Promises

There is a lot of hype about heart break. But, it is often wrongly portrayed as this one instance when the whole thing crumples down- an apocalypse of sort, for some relationships mean the world to you (at least at that particular point of time).

It is not. It is when small cracks appear, and it starts bleeding, and you patch things up to keep going despite all the pain. And, one day it becomes too hard to take anymore and it just stops ticking for things you believe in. That’s real heart break!

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Heart broke a little every time when;

I was told I can grow up to be anything, but realised all everyone wanted from me was fit into their mind frame

The pinkie swear with this girl in ponytail to be best friends forever did not stand the test of time

The assurance of “Always and Forever” wilted a few years after the first flowers were exchanged

Farewell mails vowing to stay in touch are as hollow as it sounds

And many other countless times..

It breaks a little more now, when I look into your tiny eyes and keep saying I will always be there for you, knowing exactly that I won’t be around forever

A pile of broken promises and spoken words that weighs heavily sits now where the heart used to

 

Guest Blog #1: Tomorrow!

I want to see Paris again, walking down the Siene hand in hand with a lover.

I want to swim in Flic beach, watch the sea stretch to infinity, and feel overwhelmed by the beauty that lies in my insignificance.

I want to eat another burger at Jeanno’s and wash it down with a cold beer. I want to drink 21 year old Bushmills and read Hemingway in the middle of nowhere.

Cobbled alley, downtown ParisI want to make love to a woman who truly loves me, in the middle of the afternoon on a Wednesday and hold her close as we watch the sunset.

I want to feel the adrenaline course through my body as I fly 40,000 feet in the air to visit new lands, walking in the footsteps of kings and emperors that came before.

Most of all, I want to sleep, like I used to when I was a boy

Unencumbered by the burden of knowledge and the fear of tomorrow.

***

P.S

Shruthi says: Being a Cancerian, I am very territorial about my space, and it applies to my blog too. But, here I am letting another Cancerian, Tanvir guest blog. What interests me about Tanvir as a person is:  how he has a strong view about anything and everything. What interests me about Tanvir as a writer is: how he effortlessly pulls us into his monologue and keeps us wanting for more, even when at times we have no clue what he is talking about.

Tanvir’s inner monologue:

I am a mindless drone in the corporate machine. I am proud of my fancy masters degree and ascerbic wit. I spend my days looking for love, imported kit kat and bushmills whiskey, not necessarily in that order. I write mainly to sooth my soul, and impress women.

 

 

 

 

Secret Wish List of Moms

Motherhood is hands down a wonderful and very satisfying experience. But all is not always hunky dory, as often perceived or sometimes portrayed. As a mom there are things I go through and I feel, is it just me? Then, it moved on to what if there are other moms out there who are going through similar things, but are feeling alone or sometimes a bit lost.

And, ta da! I kicked off “Secret wish list of moms”. For once I didn’t have to do anything but ask around young moms and mom-to-be’s to send in their feelings. Let’s take a look at what moms (includes me) have to say!

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Perfect mom of her son says “I left my career for a short while to take care of him because I am reluctant to give my son to others’ hand (it is a kind of fear and depression that I don’t want to share him). I like to think that I can leave him somewhere when he gets a bit bigger and with this hope I keep up job searching (not vigorously). Some will think I am not ambitious but that is not the truth. I am just believing my instinct and setting out my own priorities. As my son is 2.5 now, I feel this is the right time to step out, but I am not sure whether opportunity will knock my door too. My secret wish is to live back the life of ‘no responsibility’- just what we enjoy at my own home: nice food, good sleep and no tension. But I know that those days are gone, now I am a mom, wife, career woman etc.

***

Working mom who wishes to spend more time with kid says “I want to spend more time with my kid, but sometimes I shout and beat my kid when she does some naughty things, especially when I am really stressed at work. I keep thinking that I should not turn my tensions into anger towards all, but sometimes I cannot help it. I secretly wish to take some time off and go to some really cool places with my husband and baby.

***

An anxious mom-to-be says “I never thought the red line in the kit that marked the confirmation that I will be mom will bring so much of self-realization and individuality in me. I thought I will be taking this pregnancy along with my husband as a couple together. But things turned otherwise that I was left alone. Of course, I have my parents but no daughter can celebrate the ownership of her parents post marriage, worst case is if you have chosen your own partner. I was staying with my parents after 12 odd years and things were no longer like it was before marriage. Maybe they didn’t realize that I am all alone with no support either from husband or anybody from his family. Then, I voluntarily went to my husband’s place but I was soon sent back again to my parents place citing ill health. There started this journey of self-realization. Four months of introspection and interaction with like-minded friends boosted my confidence and strengthened my valor. Initially I was trying to pull my partner to get him to understand what I am going through. Unfortunately that resulted in pain and fatal arguments between both of us. I felt he was busy concentrating on his own career and his acquaintances. It became worse when we stopped talking for quite some time which has never happened in the 4 years we were together. I was slowly able to overcome all of it and I stopped seeking his attention and time. It was around this time that I was diagnosed with severe anemia and depression. I realized the seriousness of where I need to be. I took some time off, read lot of books, spoke to lot of people, rejuvenated my lost acquaintances and started to surround me with positive people. I slowly built the lost confidence. I have now reached the stage that nothing can demean me and my baby. Even if I am the last human being left on earth I will take care of baby and I will be the best mother to her. I wish and feel pregnancy as a journey should be traveled by both the partners. If it is a single lane it will turn difficult for both of them as they are laying roads in opposite directions. However situations, customs and culture differ and some of the women are left alone at least during their first pregnancy which can be avoided with slightest effort from both the partners. My wish to other moms is to stay fit and to stay strong.

***

A nearly perfect mommy says “I am always worried: that my daughter could be still hungry? How frequently should I change her diaper? Is she meeting her growth milestones perfectly? How can I keep her engaged all day?

I keep worrying almost for everything, while secretly wishing for the day I can start having my road side panipuri (Indian savory snack)!!

***

Full time mom with a full time job says “I guess you are wondering how is that possible being a working mom; but let me tell you that I am a 100% present mom when I am with my son. I get judged a lot because my son goes to a crèche from 10 to 5. It is as though I am a lesser mom and at first it used to bog me down a lot. Trust me, that it is not the easiest thing to give your kid to someone else. There were days I used to wake up and think I wish I don’t have to work or earn a living; but I know it is not for money that I work, but because I truly love to have a career. And, that does not make me a selfish person. Right now we are in a good place and my son adores me, we spend all non-working hours together and I feel this way I am more appreciative of every second that I spent with him. I know for sure that he will find a role model in me and I will have more experiences to share with him as we grow up together. I secretly wish sometimes to have some time to myself- read a book, binge watch shows, paint my toes, go to spa or have some time with my husband. Yes, we do spend a lot of time together as family, but I secretly miss his companionship and wish there is something we can do about it. I also wish that people randomly don’t keep advising and scaring me, but encourage me for the positive things that I do, as some reassurance and validation is what I badly need now.

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Happy mom with twin interests says “Working out-of-home, I am glad I can spend as much time I want with my two kids, but I miss the ‘me time’ so much. I have once fantasized going on a break for a weekend or so with a best pal or a long lost crush, to spice it up a bit, so that I am away from the monotony.  Preferably a beach, as it relaxes me.  And I come back rejuvenated. Yes! I do secretly wish that my husband notices me romantically. I stocked up a pile of sexy lingerie, but then I realized lingerie doesn’t matter at all 🙂 you know what I mean?

***

New mom of a 2 month girl says “I quit my job to take care of my baby as all that I keep thinking wherever I go is about her. I am not comfortable leaving her with anyone, even my partner. I am always anxious if I am feeding her well or is she growing as per what is mentioned in the baby books and online media. Though, quitting the job was my decision, I am always worried if I will get a good one or if I will be underpaid or if my ex-colleagues and friends will go far ahead of me in this so-called corporate race. All those who suggested that I quit my work, now keep on nagging why I quit and that I shall regret this in future and blah. I feel like staying away from everyone and their stupid suggestions. When I see myself in the mirror, I see that change, a big one indeed. I don’t receive any compliments anymore, no one admires me and I am worried that spending so much time with baby will create a distance between me and my husband. Though he was very supportive all this while, he cannot do much when it comes to the baby. I get anxious and I keep thinking if he was ready to welcome our baby. I know he was, but still these thoughts haunt me. I secretly wish about holidaying with my husband and that is something I have been longing since I was pregnant. Sometimes, I want to do seemingly mundane things like gulping down a glass of beer or wine, or pampering myself at the parlor. But, the most important thing is getting back to office as it keeps me active throughout the day. I am a very happy mom and I feel proud that I created an individual, but somewhere I am worried if I will lose my individuality raising her.

***

A complete woman says – Days and months have paved way to where I am now – an year into my new job after maternity break, going back home to my naughty 2 year old daughter, husband and wonderful in-laws. Beating the blues of the first few months: is she sleeping enough, is she fed enough yada yada; I successfully navigated to the next stage where I could sit back without worries and wholeheartedly enjoy being a mother to my beautiful little daughter who was few months short of year then. A group on a social networking website guided me through the abundant sources of information on the internet and more importantly, made me feel that if it is a difficult day, week or month as a mother – “This too shall pass!”. Sometimes that phrase, as much as it helped me deal with the issue on hand, made me sad too – my lil one will grow up soon.
All through these 2 years (and 9 months), I’ve been wishing that I could walk into my home back in my place, sleep till I want to, eat the food that I ate as a child, enjoy a relaxing spa while my crush texts me with a flirty message, after which I walk into a cafe to meet him – no kiss, no intimacy and definitely no strings attached, enjoy the raw romance and get back to my home – sleep. Wake up to a Monday morning – all refreshed and ready to head back to work – with good health and a sound mind. All through these 6 years, I’ve been wishing that I could go back in time to MY days.
As much as I love my daughter, I have realized and made peace with the fact that I hate my life!
And, by the way, I am a complete woman because I feel so, not indicating only motherhood and career completes a woman. I feel complete because I have all the aspects of my life that I wanted and need.
***

These are women from different walks of life, but I feel they all share one thing in common- strength of their character- the courage and resolve in doing what they ought to do, despite being judged or facing loneliness (not alone) or putting their dreams on the back burner.

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And, at the risk of sounding preachy, I also need to share a snippet. I was telling a guy-friend of mine (who had a baby around same time as me) that I wanted his wife’s inputs for this blog. He disappointed me by telling why I would want his wife to make a list of his shortcomings. I felt he like many men (/people) out there totally miss the point. Whenever a woman seeks help she is either a nag or is pointing fingers at a guy. Most often, we are asking you to be there for us while we figure it out ourselves. To be fair, it probably could be because the way a woman reaches out makes it look like we are complaining all the time. But, sometimes a little support can go a long way. And, as partners we need to do it together and not both of us, separately- that is just not the same.

Finally, a big shout-out to all the moms who put their feelings into words for me (you know who you are ;). Sometimes just putting it out there will help release some steam and get you going. All I have to say is you are not alone! You go girl!

Lastly, when I started this project I was thinking that I am going to help some moms out there. But, now I realize it is the other way round. This whole experience was very humbling and it has helped me in ways I never imagined. I am convinced without an iota of doubt that I need to keep doing things that I believe in, even if that ruffles few feathers and rattles some cages.

P.S

If you are/know a mom and like to share your story, please feel to post it in the comment box below. No pressure!

Staring at blank spaces

Well, it is this feeling of what the heck am I doing right now, right here!

It is when you (supposedly) have everything in your life, mostly everything seems to be going your way, but you hardly feel passionate about anything. I particularly feel this when I am at crossroads with someone over something and do not even put the effort to talk it through-but instead feel the urge to walk away. I find it easy to go into a shell and stay in the comfort zone of not confronting or defending something that I believe in. I feel this when someone is looking at things only from their angle, but I feel it is too tiring to explain my point of view and I shrug my shoulders, say something non-committal and go on. It deeply hurts me, my heart bleeds, but I just let it be.

It is when voices thump in my head, but I do not tell anything, because I know I won’t be heard or even may be blamed.

It is when I have an idea and I do not share it, because I know it will be shot down.

It is when I scroll down these social media rants and happen to see the status update column, and ignore it as I really don’t want to put up what I think.

It is when I want to shake someone’s shoulders and say, look at me,  I am right here! But, I turn away and hope that I will be sought after.

It is when someone looks at me like I am a mistake, like I am something that should have been undone.

But it is also as much about you as much it is about me.

It is also when I see people stuck with wrong people, wrong job, and wrong places and doing nothing about it.

It is also when I see the look of resignation in people’s eyes, when they are past struggling, fighting and cribbing, and give up.

It is also when I see people throw in their towel too early in the game.

It is also when I see people fall on one’s own sword.

We are all looking at blank spaces.

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And, I do not know how to fill it with things that matter. I do not know how to let go of the emotional burden that I carry on my shoulders.

I can only hope I and you have the courage to.

Letter to the guy from past!

I have always loved this place for so many reasons, but it also brought us together. The last few times I was here, somethings felt different. It is bitter-sweet to say the very least.

This silly heart pulls a trick on my overworked brain into believing that memories we made here are delusions. Like, it almost never happened; that I made it all up. But, it was all very real. We had walked on these very roads-carefree, happy and most importantly hopeful. There is not a curve, turn or a tree here that has not shared a moment with us.

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The light headed feeling of a hopeless romantic, how I miss that! It is not too often now, but I see it in you once in a while. When you throw your head back and laugh when I do something stupid, and your eyes become tiny slits, when you pull my leg. I see it once in a while, like the specks of grey hair that has started to appear on your head.

And, this place just makes it all come alive, all at once. I walk around the corner, look at the old books, and gifts, and I see you from the past. I feel like the girl from ten years ago.

And, when you come over this time, I don’t want to make memories. But, live it all one more time.

Story told by the backyard

When we first arrived at this house and looked out of the windows we saw a piece of barren land. A large barren land. Few birds used to visit. But, that was mostly it. Much like us back then.

And one day a mayhem beckoned us to peak through the curtains and we saw a tractor ploughing the field. Birds were following the trail left by the tractor and coming in hordes. Oh, the smell of wet soil. It just felt like the freshness we felt in our life at that point.

Before we could even fathom it, tiny saplings were beginning to grow in shades of bright green. What was the crop we wondered; it could be anything, potatoes, corn, rice or even onions for that matter? We did not know for sure. Perhaps it was a bit like what were doing at that point; just going with the flow.

Turns out that it was just grass. Plain grass. What is the point of cultivating such a large field of grass? Fodder. It’s food for cattle. That is a noble cause to live for. Sometimes a plain boring life is not that bad. It has a purpose too. Rather, you don’t need a great purpose to live. You just do what you have to do.

The summer heat beat the life out of the grass. It becomes a pale yellow, the colour of hay. The birds flies in and out in flocks. But they are not around for long, it is just a pit stop for them. Perhaps, it is a reminder that our time here is slowly coming to an end. Not that we were not expecting it, but it is never easy.

The headlights shine through our window and we look outside into the night. We follow the lights of the tractor as it cut to and fro through the field. We can hardly figure out what’s happening out there. May be we should just take it as it comes and not worry about the future.

Morning comes. We see neat piles of grass rolled up into tight little packs, scattered here and there in the field. Are those memories or emotional baggages? Is it easy to just pick up your things and move on?

And, just when we think it is all over, the tractor comes again. This time the field is ploughed again. The tilled soil looks so fertile and ready. What will be the next crop? What is in store for us? We don’t have the slightest clue. May be it doesn’t matter. We should just make best out of whatever it is.

The grass will forever be green on this side.

Three days, three places, three people!

Most people I have met have a dream to travel. They say given a chance they would just keep traveling and exploring the world. I am not that type. I would prefer to stay in one place. My dream always has been about this one place, choose everything that goes in that room, to build my own world (and imagine the rest). Whenever I say I am not into traveling, people give me this weird vibe. So, I never say it out really. Honestly, it’s just a choice.

When I do travel, I don’t do it for the same reason as most people do. I don’t care much about seeing the place or experiencing a culture, as much as I care about understanding me or exploring a different side of me while on the trip and also the feeling of togetherness with others involved. Perhaps, you would see me staring out but not really seeing anything; I am lost in my thoughts. Sometimes I just sleep off.

Anyway we (me, husband and baby T) recently went for a short vacation to Wales and Lake District. You should have seen him plan the trip. I don’t know how much time he spent on choosing places to visit, planning driving routes and itineraries. All I know is that for weeks on end, that’s all he was doing after work and, I was asked to check out reviews of places and sites as well. I was excited, but not as much as him. He is the kinda guy who given a chance would choose traveling for a living (but could not as it does not pay obviously).  Like always, I was more excited about packing our bag and getting stuff ready (it’s my specialty). T was oblivious of what’s happening. He never bothered about his mom and dad’s hush-hush planning after we finally made him sleep.

That was a lot of intro. Now to cut the long story short, I am going to write what went through our heads during the travel. You know what I am talking about: this same thing, different perspective kinda thing. So, this is how the trip was for the three of us.

Day one:
Fast forward half hour: alarm, snooze, wake, coffee, bath, dressed, multiple trips to car, all packed and set to go.

He: This will be the best trip of our life so far. Yay, I get to drive all I want.

Me: Did I pack everything, mentally checking and re-checking!

T: Why am I so dressed up early morning? Are they taking me to the docs for another shot. But they seem happier than usual. What’s happening to us??

And, he enters something into GPS. We try to put T in the car seat. He is not pleased and is on my lap already.  Music is on (a mix of English, Hindi, Tamil and Malayalam songs on shuffle mode; also some nursery rhymes thrown in for fair measure).

First lap is usual highway drive. Nice cars and camping vans; all loaded with cycles, hiking equipment and lots of dogs.

Stop 1: Service Station

He: where is the parking ticket machine.

Me: spots a Punjabi wedding party (may be on way to Birmingham to get married). All uncles and aunties dressed in Indian couture taking a break. But who would have thought the bride in an orange lehenga and temple jewellery would take a leak at a public service station.

T: I am finally going to get a taste of the apple custard mom bought.

Trip continues. We have some thought-provoking discussion on something I don’t remember. And, Birmingham is here.

Quick stop: Birmingham Balaji Temple

After a brief struggle to get to the temple sharing one umbrella in the rain that came out of nowhere. And, no, we are not doing a pilgrimage. But we were supposed to come to this temple for T’s choroonu aka annaprashnam. But could not then, so we are here to make up for it.

He: I should have so seen the weather report. Hope it does not affect the trip.
Me: So many Indians. They wear sarees in rain, wow. Should I have packed two umbrellas?
T: (loves the bell that Pandit is ringing) howls!!
He and Me: shhhh baby
He: Does Pandit have on-site too!
Me: Is this not the Punjabi granny who acted in Queen and Shandaar (yeah, I actually saw the movie)
Pandit rings bell multiple times and door is opened.
He and Me: pray T
T: smiles at the attention.

Jokes apart. We did pray.

Birmingham is an endearing place. We didn’t see anything else basically, but it seemed like a quaint little place. Full of Indians of course.

Then we head to Snowdonia national park. The landscape changes gradually. Lush green trees, hills and meadows dotted with sheep, up and down road.

Stop 3: a by-lane, very beautiful location at the base of a hill, a farm on the road glistening with rains.

He: we are falling behind on the itinerary. We are supposed to reach Snowdonia at 3 pm
Me: this place is beautiful like a Karan Johar song location (while making cerelac for T)
T: it’s my first lunch in a car.

And, we enter Snowdonia finally. It’s the most breathtakingly beautiful road that we have ever traveled. Everywhere we turned, it looked like a picture or a wallpaper. It’s surreal and I really cannot put it into words. I can just tell you that it was one drive we are not going to forget ever and perhaps may even tell our grand kids about. Sadly enough he was driving and we were in the back (T kept me occupied), so we didn’t take much pictures. I think now that it’s probably for best because we soaked in as much as we can of the place and enjoyed it to the fullest.

Stop 4 : Llanfair Caereinion Station

We stopped at the railway station and they were celebrating 120 years of steam engines. What a marvelous sight it was to see the train emitting smoke clouds and making “puff” sounds. We felt we were in a different era as we were mostly surrounded by enthusiastic senior people with their tweed coats, pipes and walking sticks. As we bit into sandwiches and T nibbled a lemon cake, many old folks stopped by to say hello to the baby. A baby was not quite so common in this vintage village. As we were about to return to the car we found this amazing stream on our right, and what a beautiful wooden bridge it was.

He: inserting  Dolgoch falls into GPS
Me: will we be late to check in to the hotel
T: presses the button in his new toy and it says right
He: mistakes it for the GPS
Me: it’s the toy. Not the GPS
T: I did nothing face

Stop 5:  Dolgoch falls

It was late evening by the time we reached Dolgoch falls. Like a waterfall that seems to be abandoned really.
He: looks up at the mountain railway and feels we should have taken the mountain railway ride
Me: we would not have made it on time. Good we didn’t book tickets
T: squeals at the sound of water
We spend some time one with nature. Water flowing without restraints is a sight to see, definitely.

Back in the car.
He: disappointed that we didn’t cover as much we wanted to
Me: it’s okay. We will see what we can. Enjoy it to fullest instead of place hopping.
T: milk!

So, we decide to wind up for the day and go to the hotel. But, drive slowly and soak as much as we can of this beautiful land.
Me: tells story of Heidi to T
He: listens though Heidi is based in Alps. But, accepts as the sheep and meadows can give the feel. Exclaims “sooooooper”, when great views pass by
T: giggles through out as Mom is talking to him. Nothing like some undivided attention.

And, it was a good night sleep that day.

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Day 2:

After a sumptuous breakfast all three of us head to Caernarfon. On the way are beautiful landscapes, and as T slept in the car seat, I finally sneak to the front seat and we drive like old times. Took some pics as well.

Stop 6: Caernarfon Castle

It’s a castle town and the largest castle in the UK which was built by King Edward I. The very place where Prince Phillip was given the title of Prince of Wales. (Thanks to YouTube video: Rick Steve’s Europe). The town itself is quaint. If you have seen the 2016 movie “me before you”, you will know what I mean. We had a great time checking out views of the pier from the castle and there was a video show on the history which was delightfully short, but surprisingly sweet.

This place looked like a perfect place to have some Welsh cuisine. So, we took the advice of few locals and after a walk around the pier, went to black boys inn, which is a restaurant that is around since 15th century. Ambience was wonderful, but the portions of Welsh pie and lobscows we ordered was a bit overwhelming, we didn’t have room for desert. Thankfully T slept peacefully and we could spent some time to eat slowly.

He: upset that we are not able to see all the places as time is limited
Me: let’s chuck the plan and go freestyle. Stop wherever we please.

And we stumble upon this lovely beach shortly after

Stop 7:  Penmaenmawr

We gaze at the coastline. We walk on the pebbles. I pick up one absolutely flat purple slate rock with such smooth surface. I take it as a souvenir. We meet these elderly uncles on wheel chairs on a beach stroll with these curious service dogs. And, we were really happy with their company. And hopeful too that in old age we can be as independent.

And, it was already getting late and we decided to take the scenic drive to Lake District. More green grass, pastures, cows, horses, sheep, windmills, meadows, hills and lakes.

He: the trip gets better everyday
Me: the place seems more beautiful everyday. Know what I do not miss not being connected and get messages all day.

And, we reach our sweet little b and b very close to Windermere. The thing about staying in b and b is it feels very homely, yet so true to the local culture.

So we take a night stroll around the lake and the town centre. It’s a cold night and T in his giraffe jacket is all excited with all the attention he is getting.

He: and, someone told me she’s not excited about the trip
Me: he has not looked so happy and relaxed in a long time
T: ba ba ba..little peels of laughter

Day 3:

After a quick English breakfast with T happily enjoying bites of our food seated in a high chair, we embark on final day of our vacation.

Stop 8: Lake Windermere.
It’s raining and this is easily not the best view.

He: it was so sunny the last time I visited. I wish weather was better.
Me: it’s not that bad. You cannot help it.

We look around and see so many dogs with their doting owners. They seem so happy to be outdoors in rain. We walk around the pier, watch some geese, ducks and swans. Chuck the plan to hope on a cruise. Just, enjoy the lake and the rain. It has a beauty of its own. Like a water-color picture hung out to dry. Different shades of blue as if sky and water is uniting at some point.

Stop 9: Ambleside Lake
Rain had weakened and we got a good view here. And, as we walked towards the parking lot, we saw the beauty of the trees gearing up for autumn.

After feeding T parked near the Ambleside cricket club ground, we head to Wordsworth county. This is one part of trip I have so been looking forward to. He knows it too.

Stop 10: Dove Cottage

This is where the great poet William Wordsworth wrote his poetry. The first poem I read of him was “Daffodils”. He was inspired after finding some Daffodils near the lake on a walk with his sister Dorothy on a bitterly cold winter morning. Though I write, I can never honestly call myself a writer. A poet is out of question, though I have scribbled some lame poems myself. But, the feeling when I visit such places (prior to this I have visited Shakespeare’s museum and got goosebumps looking at his manuscripts) cannot be explained.

So here I was breathing the same air as someof the great poets.

He took T and made him sleep.
I roamed around reading the information boards, looking at manuscripts and trying to imagine how life would have felt back then. I even tried writing using a quill.

If you see the view from the cottage, you will be surprised that Wordsworth would not have been a poet. We went to the garden created by Wordsworth, his sister and wife. It was a short climb with stone paving to a wooden shed something like a tree house and when we looked down it was a sight to behold. Mist and sun-kissed trees through a veil of rain.

As I stood lost in a trance, we saw that the cyclists from the Tour of Britain was passing through. We stood on the side of road and cheered for the cyclists who was pedalling in tandem. And the infrastructure provided for the race and the seamless planning behind it was quite remarkable.

And, our stomach was grumbling. We head to a local pub for some fish and chips. I don’t know if it is the hunger or the lake breeze, it tasted so good.

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Final lap: Road to Keswick
Mist and more mist. We stopped near a hiking trail and enjoyed the view. I felt that this place is too good to be true. Perhaps this is what a slice of heaven might look like. And, we went past the Ullswater lake with crystal clear water as well.

By this time, we decided to start back home and I was scared that a late night drive will have a toll on him ( did I mention that I don’t drive?)

He: three days over and we did not see much
Me: looks like this place needs us to stay here for a while and then explore a thing a day

On way back we stopped at a random service station and it was sheer serendipity that lead us there

Stop 11: Killington lake.
It was beautiful to say the least. And we sipped our coffee and dug into a carrot cake, looking at three rabbits playing on the grass. Also the murmuration of birds.

Rest of journey was a blur to me as I started nodding off in exhaustion. T was dozing off in the car seat too. I asked him if he wants to pull over and sleep for a bit. He said he is fine. Next thing I know is we are in the parking lot of our residential complex.

He: We drove 900 miles. That was a great trip.
Me: It sure was. That’s a lot of clothes to wash in coming days.
T: sleeping without a care about the world, wondering where he will wake up the next day.

Usually in movies or books, people go on these trips and something life changing happens; like garnering a new perspective or getting a new drive to live. Well, we just went back to our old routine. But those three days we made some lasting memories. Sometimes that is all we need to keep moving.

P.S: the pics where taken and edited by him 😉

Tears are not just water!

Tears rolls down your cheek
And, if you are a man, you are a goner
“Boys do not cry!”
For a woman, is it not her (only) weapon
“Here she goes again”

But think twice, are tears just water?
Or is water what you are expected to be?
Colorless, odorless and fit the shape of any container.

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To evaporate and disappear when you feel the heat,
And to pour over and cool down when others feel the heat.
To be the magical life-giver, while being polluted and plundered to sustain the greed.

Yes, it is the greed of others that you not cry; to tout crying as weakness.
If only more people cried, and were not denied the emotion they felt.
There would have been more happy tears than sad,                                             World would have been a better place.