Pitch Black

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PoemX: Misunderstood

To say the right thing, and be perceived wrong

To be someone, and is mistaken for someone else

To do what seems right, and is told it was wrong

To want to dream, but end up having no sleep

To hold people close, only to see them drift away

To seek help, and be ignored

To tell something and be falsely quoted

To show courage and is asked to fear the norms

Independent, and called selfish

Confident, and deemed arrogant

Proud, and told boisterous

Ambitious, and judged greed



I started this PoemX series long back to write about feelings/emotions. I have not been consistent at it.

And, the other day I saw Robert Plutchik’s theory that says there are some eight basic emotions. Then I read Aristotle’s “Rhetoric” and Darwin’s view on emotions.

But none of them has anything to say about being misunderstood. I feel that it is the most common emotion that is not often acknowledged and hence, honoring it with few words.

Poem, Random Musings

Captive Minds

It is not really crazy how things change over time, it is just meant to be

The things once enjoyed become drudgery, like say a weekend, only chores to be done

Shuddering at the thought of living in places that are remembered with fondness, even for few days

No longer in touch with people to whom everything was shared a while back

And, the helplessness to share real feelings with those that matter, for fear of rejection

What if they also leave; what if it also ends; what if it all comes crashing down

Reeling at the thought of it; worries playing at the back of mind in shuffle mode


On the outward, it is all calm; No one sees the undercurrents

People call it whatever that pleases them-indifference, silence, mature, arrogant

Some say take it easy, this is nothing and dismiss the notion that it ever existed

Some dismisses you; say nothing can be done about it

An Imprisoned Mind by Stein T Skavaas

And, it all hides behind the extensive to do list that are made every day

Bathroom floors and kitchen slabs that are scrubbed repeatedly

Cupboards that are pulled out, organised, put back and re-organised

Checklists of which tasks are crossed and filled in again


It all hides behind the daily routine that is built to justify living

The same cycle every day, to the point of developing a OCD

Where, even for good, a change in pattern makes us insecure

A kind of Stockholm syndrome, where we love being our own hostage


We are the captive

But we are also the captor

And admittedly, we love being both


Imaginary Friend 2.0

You are the character from the book that I felt one with,

To live a thousand different lives in one birth

You are the quotes from great men, celebrities and obscure strangers,

Nevertheless I felt it was one-on-one discussions with me

You are the words that I read in between the lines in that poem,

But could not forget for a day and half

You are the talk shows that I listen to,

For inspiration has to be experienced and not a cacophony

You are the random pics I see on those apps,

And it fills the empty spaces between non-existent conversations

You are the stories I scrolled down at the swipe of a finger,

Only to let it linger at the back of my head for hours

Image result for imaginary friend art


You are that imaginary friend from my childhood that never left me,

Or on second thoughts, the one that I did not let go

For you don’t have to be alone to feel lonely




Shell on the Shore

Friendship and people was never my thing

Not that I did not like to have either in my life

I just did not understand how to make friends

“Awkward” will be an understatement to describe me


Then, I met someone who had so many friends

“Effortless” is how I describe him

He said, you don’t make friends

You be a friend- be mine first

My first friend he became, but I was not his last

I stood at its mouth of his expanding friend circle, waiting to be absorbed in

I was rejected, like a shell that is returned to the shore by a wave

The same wave that swept it in at the first place



I let go of it all- Such a pain to try

Then, friends happened on its own or so I thought

I bragged that I also have friends and He said ‘I told you so’

For once I was there for someone, without seeking returns


But, soon I felt I was just a cog in the wheel

People text me and I know they need help

One day I do not reach out and no one misses me

Random texts, forwards and mindless conversations- but no one missed me?


I withdrew further into my shell, told him- only you can do it

Wept my weekend away- talked to myself

Reassured that, I am there for myself

It may not be a lonely end, hopefully


I walk into the room- relieved to see my cactus plant

I have you at least I tell it

A second glance and I see it is dying too

What was wrong? Too much water or too less sun

I will never know and does that matter,

Now that I have really lost the hope forever


Tears are not just water!

Tears rolls down your cheek
And, if you are a man, you are a goner
“Boys do not cry!”
For a woman, is it not her (only) weapon
“Here she goes again”

But think twice, are tears just water?
Or is water what you are expected to be?
Colorless, odorless and fit the shape of any container.


To evaporate and disappear when you feel the heat,
And to pour over and cool down when others feel the heat.
To be the magical life-giver, while being polluted and plundered to sustain the greed.

Yes, it is the greed of others that you not cry; to tout crying as weakness.
If only more people cried, and were not denied the emotion they felt.
There would have been more happy tears than sad,                                             World would have been a better place.


PoemX: Hurt

I can hurt you
To make you feel the pain I feel
And, be with my friends and pretend not to see your presence
Or be bothered by your absence, whether you are there or not

I can go all week without asking how do you do
And not notice that you are trying to spend some time with me
Or better, I can say how can I spend all the time with you; I need some space

I can say I have given up as it gives more comfort than to confront
And, when you try to mend things, and get us to talk, I could ask what’s the point
Or walk away, shrug my shoulders, not look you in eyes

I can hold you with limp hands or smile at you with sad eyes
And fall asleep, just as you try to tell me your feelings
Or nod by habit without actually listening

I can do a hundred things so that you can feel what I feel

But I wonder who will hurt more
You or me?


Now or never!

I know today is all I have

And, I don’t want it to be over ever

If I can, I will freeze this second

And, play it over and over in a loop


It is never enough to feel your warmth

And, soak in your innocent grin

Today you look at me as if I am your world

And, I am scared it will all be over before I even know it



Tomorrow you will grow tired of me

And, find better things to do and better people to be with

Until then I will cling to each and every minute

And, make memories that last a lifetime


Today is all I have

And, this moment now is all I want

To push me through rest of my life


It is now or never
It is now forever


Finding me

I said to myself
I don’t want to be just someone’s daughter, wife or mother
I want more
I want to be me

I got my first pay cheque, and it did not feel as good as the first pocket money from my parents
Long distance for career made me independent, but I missed leaning on my husband for something as trivial as opening a jam bottle
And I did not miss a moment of work, as I waited hours for toothless grin of my son

Bonds are not bondages
I lost myself in them and found me