I am a very ritualistic (not religious, more like repetitive behavior with some meaning) person. I do things in certain way or order or during certain times of year; basically there is a method to my madness. It is special to me and it matters or so it was, until recently. That is what this post is about.
Growing up, an uncle of mine and his family used to send us holiday greetings with family pics on the card (it is not very common in India to do that, not back then at least). And like a planner I am (even as a 10 year old), I wanted to do that when I have a family. First few years into marriage, I used to make lists of people to send greetings to (non-picture ones). In a time when everything is digital, I believed in my vision enough to get actual cards (always from Smile Foundation), make handwritten notes and resorted to Indian Post/ courier to send them. I had wait; some will say they got, some wont, and thanks to our great postal system; some never received any. In my head, I wanted people to cherish it when they receive it and reciprocate that to me, but barring a few, it almost never happened. And, it lost its charm. I stopped after 4 years I think. Every new year I feel the urge to do it all again, but then I feel no one is missing it or anything, why bother!
I used to send emails every year, like a snapshot of what happened that year, and I just stopped, and no one realized. I saw this quote- If you love someone, set them free. It is a lot of B.S. No one ever comes back and it does not do well to your self-worth.
Basically I gave up doing a lot of things I used to do because I did not get anything back. Now, doing it for self and for our own happiness, I have a set of things for that, but after a point even that gets lonely. It is not selfish. I have a big problem with people wanting something to be called selfish. Everyone wants and everyone expects something; it is not wrong! I mean things that are supposed to be mutual, always needs more than one person in the equation. Or, you will end up with 4 different journals containing monologues after monologues, you will be caught smiling by a co-worker in a stairway laughing at your own joke (which later gets entered into a journal), or you will be talking to yourself while folding clothes.
And, as to rituals, I have some new ones like binge watching, organizing the wardrobe every two weeks, cleaning up office desk every quarter. All things that sound like chores, but actually very productive and gives reasons to be happy.
One of my Christmas traditions is watching Hallmark romantic comedy movies (run-of-the-mills-and-boon) and I saw one this week about this woman going back to old Christmas traditions. It is all hunky dory; she suddenly miraculously finds happiness, writes a book on it, you know the drill.
I thought I should get inspired and do the same. Write about breaking traditions.
To new beginnings!!
This is a light-hearted take on how things are in general, written in first person because I identify with it and not going through it. I am perfectly fine, never been more at peace with myself ever!