Staring at blank spaces


Well, it is this feeling of what the heck am I doing right now, right here!

It is when you (supposedly) have everything in your life, mostly everything seems to be going your way, but you hardly feel passionate about anything. I particularly feel this when I am at crossroads with someone over something and do not even put the effort to talk it through-but instead feel the urge to walk away. I find it easy to go into a shell and stay in the comfort zone of not confronting or defending something that I believe in. I feel this when someone is looking at things only from their angle, but I feel it is too tiring to explain my point of view and I shrug my shoulders, say something non-committal and go on. It deeply hurts me, my heart bleeds, but I just let it be.

It is when voices thump in my head, but I do not tell anything, because I know I won’t be heard or even may be blamed.

It is when I have an idea and I do not share it, because I know it will be shot down.

It is when I scroll down these social media rants and happen to see the status update column, and ignore it as I really don’t want to put up what I think.

It is when I want to shake someone’s shoulders and say, look at me,  I am right here! But, I turn away and hope that I will be sought after.

It is when someone looks at me like I am a mistake, like I am something that should have been undone.

But it is also as much about you as much it is about me.

It is also when I see people stuck with wrong people, wrong job, and wrong places and doing nothing about it.

It is also when I see the look of resignation in people’s eyes, when they are past struggling, fighting and cribbing, and give up.

It is also when I see people throw in their towel too early in the game.

It is also when I see people fall on one’s own sword.

We are all looking at blank spaces.

blank-space

And, I do not know how to fill it with things that matter. I do not know how to let go of the emotional burden that I carry on my shoulders.

I can only hope I and you have the courage to.

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9 thoughts on “Staring at blank spaces”

  1. I would say detox the toxic people around you, fill your space with positive energy and watch your emotions..It might not lead to a solution but will enhance your inner peace.

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    1. I guess so. I just read somewhere that we should not wish people who are going through a bad time to have a good day. We should wish them to just have a day. A day to do things they like. I mean simple things like eat comfort food, dress up or stay in pyjamas all day. To do small things. I am trying to do that now.

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  2. This a complex emotion to express and I commend you on being so honest and open about it. My two cents…If something affects us deeply enough to hurt and make our hearts bleed, then let’s let that person know. It may fall on deaf ears and not find a solution. However, it helps us release our emotions and not continue being eaten away on the inside. Letting go of things that are not worth the effort is good. But, only when we can truly let go and not be bothered by walking away from it.

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  3. As humans (and not gods), we all seek positive validation for our actions. And as someone pointed out, I think we really need to remove toxic people from around us, who do not validate us, and have thrown in their towel too early! That being said, we should also actively try to appreciate whatever little ideas, thoughts thats other people have. This is something I’ve realized by being surrounded by different culture. Indians maybe pretty straightforward about what’s what and don’t encourage individualism.

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