Well, while I am writing this I am trying my best here to make this not a rant about what it’s like to be a woman. Nor do I intend to preach about women’s rights and all that. Too much has been spoken about it and I don’t want to beat the life out of yet another pointless argument. But, somehow I do feel a need to explain myself here, because whenever I have talked about being a woman or for a woman I am called a feminist. But that’s a pretty lame concept. I am not a feminist. Neither does it mean I resent men or disrespect them or is trying to be equal. Honestly, we all have bigger issues to deal with.
This one is about and for all the women I have come across; some I have known, some I am getting to know and some I am observing just because I am curious (not prying ha!). A lot of women talk to me. May be because I talk a lot too. May be because I don’t seem out of league. May be because there is something about me that doesn’t pose any challenge or threat or competition. May be because they can see a bit of themselves in me.
Anyways we talk about extremes of everything; love and loss, career and home, family and feuds, marriage and divorce, loneliness and fulfilment, children and family plans, kitchen and office, pretty much everything under sky. But, most importantly what it was like to be before and now. That’s one recurrent theme of most of my conversations. And, a lot of woman feel that in some point in their life, they lost a bit of themselves; they miss what they were and is not sure of what they are now.
And, as I talked more, I learned to listen (I am sure, you wont agree, but I really do). At the least I look at their eyes and not just words; I try to look at where they sigh when they talk, or pause, delete and type all over again when they text. Mostly I see a confusion and more often guilt. Because there is a heart that is rebelling against the conditioning of brain and behaviour. We feel guilty to have our own dreams and a world of our own. I know many successful woman who feel like a failure because they cannot cook. I know great stay at home mothers who feel they need a career. I know people who crave for companionship but say they are too independent to settle down. I know a sixty year old who cries now that she could not study what she wanted. But, what I don’t understand is when these thoughts come up, we do recognise it, then we try to pacify ourselves as if we committed a mistake or sin. So, we go on and justify that it is not because our present life or situation is not good. We feel the urge to justify that we made this choice and it is okay, we try to compromise ourselves into believing a story. Same is the case when we are happy or achieve something. We don’t give us any credit, but is grateful that it happened to us. I wish we would believe more that it didn’t happen to us, we made it happen.
And, whenever I do this or I see a woman do this, I feel like saying: Hey Girl, it is OK.
It is absolutely fine. Don’t feel guilty about feeling the way u feel. Don’t confuse between what you are and what you do. It is not the same. Your self-worth is not what you did or is doing or what happened in life; your self worth is who you are when life happens.
And, if you feel emotion, it is OK. Whatever it is, don’t deny yourself from experiencing it just so that you can fit into a mould.
Just tell yourself more often that it is OK and everything will soon be OK. 🙂
If you are a guy and reading this, and have wondered what to say to a woman, try this and let me know if it works 🙂 I think more often we don’t need solutions, we just need to figure out that we can solve it ourselves and a little support won’t hurt.